August 2011
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FRIEND: I think we should have a marathon style contest, where we see how long people can do "The Jerk"
ME: Yah we can call it the "Jerk-Off"
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“Why do you have to go through life on a high speed escalator? Why not a Magic...”
– Wonderfully crazy lady at work speaking to my former boss
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PUNKPLAY
RECORD. Are you ready for the rules?
MICKEY. Ok.
RECORD.Good then come close.
The Rules are these:
There Are. No. Fucking. Rules.
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“Soul radiation in the dead of night/ Love in the middle of a firefight”
– Iggy Pop
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A word about Sam the Eagle
I’m not sure why, but I find Sam the Eagle hilarious. So hilarious. I think he should be utilized more. Not just in Muppet movies, although will never forget his career making performance in A Muppet’s Christmas Carol. Who Could? But really I think he and references to him should just be used more often. I like imaging him in very serious TV scenes. I’m pretty sure he could...
Why in God's name does this exist? I am so happy... →
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My favorite from my home town band....
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(I) Means (something) to an End
We were sitting in the kitchen that day
Cooks at play
You invited me to the home hearth
And in it our hearts did play
And skipped to the beat
Of the music played
My heart palpitation
Can be explained by the radio station
Chitter chatter, nothing
On a rainy day
Drops at play
Crinkle crackle nothing of a plastic bag
This is the beggar’s banquet my dear
A bag of chips rested on the...
Disclaimer
I wasn’t really going to post poetry. It’s not usually very funny, and well, I dunno it didn’t seem neccassary. But every once in a blue moon. expect a poem. Why the frig muffin not?
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“Stay here. Speak of familiar things a while.”
– Wallace Stevens
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On Facebook Happy Birthdays
Is anyone else weirded out by the whole ritual of wishing someone a happy birthday via Facebook even if you don’t really know them? First of all, kid-who-I-knew-in-second-grade-and-haven’t-seen-since, I don’t really want your Happy Birthday. I definitely do NOT want you “HBD”. Who raised you? Really I only want unique birthday wishes. I mean if I know you and stick...
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“Nothing can take away the reality of that night in the revivifying flames, when...”
– Lester Bangs
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Me Being Four
MY AUNT: Where do you want to live when you grow up?
FOUR YEAR-OLD ME: I like Maine but I'm worried about the economy
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Seltzer
I keep trying seltzer, and EVERY TIME I think “This is gonna be soo good, get ready mouth seriously, this time around, it’s gonna be great” FALSE. IT IS NEVAA GOOOD. I think that might be the definition of insanity. I think the person who came up with that definition was talking about seltzer.
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The Three Most Important Things in Life
Ok, so I recently found a psych evaluation from when I was nine. (Apparently I was having trouble adjusting to my fourth grade class. This was because none of my friends were in my class and I hated my teacher. DUH I was having trouble adjusting. It sucked.) Any way the doctor asked me to list the top three things I wanted in life. This is the answer I gave. 1. As much money as possible 2. A...
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GEORGE MICHAEL
So I really want to have a George Michael themed party, in which both the recording artist and the character from Arrested Development are celebrated. If I were really rich I would personalize M&Ms with their faces on them. They would look like this:
I’m tickled by the idea of personalized M&Ms but mostly I just Love M&Ms in any form. In any case, could anyone ever dislike...
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“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to...”
– Kerouac (On The Road)
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“Let that day be lost to us on which we did not dance once”
– Nietzsche
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The best Phone call ever. True story.
ME: hey
FRIEND: hey
ME: so, you still seeing that movie?
FRIEND: yah
ME: So, what’s the plan?
FRIEND: seven, is when we’re going
ME: so should I meet you somewhere, or can you pick me up here?
FRIEND: I don’t know where you are
ME: at my house
FRIEND: I don’t know where that is
ME: yes you do, you’ve dropped me off like 85 times
FRIEND: OH, Grace, hi, why is your number different?
ME: It’s not
FRIEND: yes it is, I had no idea who I was talking to until now. Ok I’ll
see you at seven. Good day to you.
ME: and to you
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I’m going to start cataloguing my favorite...
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A Word about Terrible Television and How to Watch...
OK, so I catch a good amount of crap for watching shows like Pretty Little Liars and reruns of the O.C. But if you really truly hate bad TV, you are not watching it the right way. 1.) Don’t watch bad TV alone. Just don’t. What’s the fun in that? No fun. 2.) Snacks. This is key. popcorn and cookies are golden options. Extra points for homemade cookies. 3.) Talk over the show....
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tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
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Fuckin' with SmarterChild way back in the day
SmarterChild: I know about fun. It's an activity! I've heard that fun is hot. Is this true?
annacruuz: fun is hot. i like to peel oranges and dance on bald men for fun
SmarterChild: Whoa, that's somewhat naughty
